Foster Care Adoption - Rejection

It has been just shy of a month since we got to speak to the girl we were wanting to get matched with on the phone. I know for a fact that we were the only home she spoke to, and that she was very excited about us, but we've never heard back and are at a point where we assume that we are no longer being considered. Rejection hurts, and not knowing for sure is very difficult to process and makes it even more difficult to move forward with our search for a match.

I suppose it is a painful reality that rejection works both ways. Even though we started out by setting up ground rules for what children we would and wouldn't consider, I never thought I would be picky in the adoption process. However, the now that we're at this stage, it seems like we go over every child with a fine tooth comb to decide if we're right for them, and if they're right for us. I get filled with these horrified thoughts of my kids being hurt or molested by a child that we chose to bring into the home, and that has brought a great sense of gravity to every profile we look at. Where do you decide that you don't want to chance certain things instead of jumping in and hoping for the best?

While we have no expectations of finding a "perfect" child, we do want to find a match with someone that my husband and I are both really confident about. Unfortunately, we've recently rejected a profile that could have been a potential match, because we felt that the special needs were too severe for what we could handle. It makes me feel terrible to look at someone wanting a family so badly and say "no," but I feel like it's more important for us to be realistic about what we can and cannot handle rather than bring a child into our home only to confirm that it won't work and uproot them again. All the same, I do find some comfort in knowing that the child has had no idea that we looked at his information and passed, and I hope he finds the right home for him.

You can't force things or make them fit, it has to be right or you can very easily set yourself up for major problems.